We Belong
by Witchytara25
Summary: When you belong to the darkness, how do you become part of the light?


_A/N: None of this belongs to me. Criminal Minds and the characters belong to CBS and whoever else is credited for creating it.  
_

_A/N2: I don't know where this came from. This is loosely based off the song "We Belong," by Pat Benatar. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, as it was just a  
jumble that was running around in my head and came out as this story. This might be the result of working a lot and having way too much time to think. Or it just might  
plain be a bad story. _

The pale moonlight washes over her as you stare at her, your fingers running lightly up and down her spine, wondering if this all a dream. How easily she fits into your life. How is this possible? You've always been a solitary creature by nature. You've had to be with as much travelling as you did growing up.

You tried to hide these feelings. You tried to push them aside and forget that they existed. You tried to put them into your famous compartments and just push on with your life, all the while, knowing under the surface. Sure, there were many times you tried to tell her, but you never could get the words out. So, you just played the part of the best friend. The one who was always there when she needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and someone to share a drink with.

It amazed you how simply she fit into your life. How easily she fit into your life and held a place in your heart that no one else could ever occupy. You were content with the friendship, knowing that you could compartmentalize everything else.

Or so you thought.

Problem was, she was too big to fit into a compartment. She could give you one look and see right inside your soul. And that scared you more than any serial killer, any unsub you ever took down. Someone who could see into the core of your being, that wasn't supposed to happen. No one was supposed to get past your walls. So you hid behind a smile and the pat answer of "I'm fine," when it was obvious you weren't. No one on the team bought it, but they let you go, knowing better than to push you.

You remember the night she introduced _him _to the team. The slow talking, bumbling detective who made your blood boil. You knew why, but you were so afraid to admit to yourself what you were feeling that you just pasted on a smile and walked away. You knew, hell the whole team knew, you were in love with her, but you would never admit it. If anyone questioned you, you shot them down with a look and walked away.

But you knew.

You knew what you were running from. However, running was what you were good at. Pushing people away, running and doing things on your own, those are the things you were good at doing. However, you knew what heartache was; you knew what pain was. The abortion you had at fifteen was never far from your mind; you wondered what your child would look like twenty years later. You wondered how you could have done your life differently.

You always wanted to know what love was; but you were too afraid to let anyone in. Who would want you? Dating wasn't your thing and you were tired of the meaningless sex that came with bar hopping. Then when you laid your eyes on her, all thoughts of anyone else flew out of your head. She had a hold on your heart that no one else ever would.

The sleepless nights that you laid awake, wondering if you would ever be able to look into those eyes that could look into your soul. However, you couldn't fool yourself. You couldn't give her anything. You had more of a chance of catching the wind than her ever feeling the same way. You knew she was there with you in the darkness, but when the sun rose, she was gone. You knew then that it was a dream that wouldn't come true.

As your fingers continue to run up and down her spine, you think back to the day that she came to you, telling you that Will left her for 'better things,' and you took that translation to mean a woman who wasn't dedicated to her job. That would stay home and take care of her son and let him be the man in the relationship. You could feel your blood starting to run cold, your face turning to stone as she told you this, and it was all you could do to keep from walking out of her office, grabbing your coat and driving to New Orleans to shoot him.

She looked at you and saw your face and she placed a hand on your arm. "He's not worth it, Em." You offered a small smile, wondering how she could look at you and see right through you into your soul. She looked up at you and said quietly, "If the truth be known, I never loved him."

You looked at her and said quietly, "But you were going to marry him."

"Only because I thought it was the right thing to do. " She took her hand away and paced her office. "If the truth be known, I think I was just lonely."

You nodded, not sure what to say to that. You could understand the loneliness. You've lived it and tasted it so many times, you're not sure if you know what it would be like to be with someone. You open your mouth to tell her, and you closed it before the words could tumble out. She smiled slightly at you, almost as if she _knew _what you were going to say.

However, you knew that this was one secret you would take to your grave.

You heard her voice inside you when you slept with one nameless woman after another at the bar. You saw her face in every drink you drowned your sorrows in as you tried to forget your feelings for her. She wasn't yours to have; yet, you knew you belonged to her as sure as the air that you breathed.

She found you one night, drunk off your ass, getting ready to go pick up another woman who looked just like her. She stopped you with a look and all but carried you out of the bar. You looked at her, and slurred, "Wha….what'd you think you're doing JJ?"

"Getting you the hell out of here."

"What I do with my life is none of your business." You attempted to get out of her grasp, but as drunk as you were, you ended up almost falling. She caught you and pushed you up against the wall at the outside of the bar, pinning you with a look. "Yes it is."

"You don't have…have any right to do this."

"I have every right." She pins you again with the look she usually reserves for reporters that have pissed her off. That look should scare you, but you're so beyond drunk, you don't care. "Why?"

She looks at you. "Why what?"

"Why do you care? It's not like your fucking me. You're still pining over the detective." You laugh drunkenly and she looks at you, her blue eyes blazing with anger. "I'm not having this discussion while you're drunk."

"Why? Drunken words are sober thoughts."

"Why go sleep with all those nameless women? Who are you trying to forget?"

"If you don't know by now, I'm not telling you." You wish you could run, but you know you can't, because you're tired of running. Tired of sleeping with nameless strangers who look like her, but something is always wrong. Their too tall, too short, eyes are the wrong color.

She pins her body against yours, looking up at you. "Tell me." She says this so softly, you almost miss it. What you don't miss is the desperation in her voice; she's seeking answers to questions she doesn't realize.

You shake your head, and she says pleadingly, "Tell me."

"I'm trying to forget you, alright? You're the one who invades my every thought, who has had my heart since the day I walked into the BAU. You're the only one who can cut through the walls and see the real me. It scares me. No one's ever been able to do that."

She blinks slowly and releases you. You desperately wish you were anywhere but here in this back alley, having this conversation. You push yourself off the wall and start to walk away. Before you get very far, she grabs your arm and turns you around, staring at you with those eyes that you swear will someday be the death of you.

"Emily..I..Why didn't you ever say anything before this?"

You laugh, sobering up more quickly than you'd like. "Why would I have? You were with _Will," _you spit his name out like it's a bad taste in your mouth. "I was content to be your friend. I could take my feelings to the grave if I had too."

"Why didn't you ever give me the choice?"

You look at her and in that moment, you realize that you've probably royally fucked everything up. _What else is new? _You think, knowing that it's what you do best in life. "The choice? What choice? You were with Will, that's all there was to it. You were pregnant with his child and you were engaged to be married to him. Now, unless you're into sharing, there was no room in your life for me and my feelings."

She backed you slowly against the far wall, away from the prying eyes of people. Instead of answering you, she pinned you tightly against the wall with her body, saying quietly, "I never wanted Will."

You look down at her and say quietly, "Then why…."

"Because I was scared, stupid. I never thought you'd love me back, so I went with Will. I told you, I was lonely. But there was more to it than that. I was scared of the enormity of my feelings for you. I was scared you'd laugh at me if I told you how I felt. I couldn't bear to lose you out of my life, so I hid them and was content to be your friend."

You smile slightly at that and say quietly, "That's the way I felt. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in my life at all."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Let me show you how much I love you." With that, you lean down and kiss her, lightly brushing your lips across hers. You start to pull back, but to your surprise, she grabs the back of your neck and pulls you down, kissing you fully on the mouth. You moan softly and part your lips and she slides her tongue inside your mouth. As you deepen the kiss, everything around you fades except for the two of you and this slice of time that you're caught in.

When the need for oxygen pulls you two apart, you look down at her, wide eyed and she chuckles slightly. "Is that the answer you were looking for."

You nod dumbly, and she removes herself from you, taking your hand and pulling you off the wall. "Let's go back to your place and talk."

You're startled out of your memories by the feel of her fingertips on your stomach. You look down at her and she's looking up at you, seeing right through to your soul. "What are you thinking about, baby?" she asks sleepily, fingertips lightly moving across your stomach.

You smile and wrap your arm around her pulling her close, running your fingers through your hair. "Just thinking about the road we took to get here. And how much we belong together."

She smiles at that and nestles on your chest, already drifting back to sleep. You kiss her forehead and know that no matter what happens, this fight has been worth it, because you have finally found that you belong to her as much as she belongs to you.


End file.
